Keke Palmer Breaks Her Silence on ‘Unhealthy’ Relationship with Ex Darius Jackson: ‘Hardest Thing I Ever Had to Go Through’ (Exclusive)

At 31, Keke Palmer is already on her second book about her life, and rightly so.

“Now that lady has a story to tell,” she says of herself in a campy retro broadcast voice while all decked out in Old Hollywood glamour for her PEOPLE cover shoot at her Los Angeles home. She’s joking but it’s true.

The award-winning actress, singer and media power player has lived a life that belies her years — and one that has brought her to her knees many times over.

“That’s always been the thing with me: I’m in a mature scenario, having these older experiences in the workplace and with my sense of purpose,” she says, “but then again, I’m just a regular 31-year-old with all of my immaturities.”

It’s a paradox that the former child star grapples with in her new book Master of Me: The Secret to Controlling Your Narrative, out Nov. 19, and one that recently came to a head in a very public and painful way.

Last year, a few months after the Nope star welcomed son Leo, with then-boyfriend Darius Jackson, 30, their seemingly happy relationship imploded after Jackson’s social media post criticizing a dress she wore to an Usher concert kicked off a viral firestorm. Then came allegations of domestic violence and a custody battle.

In all, “It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through,” she writes in her book. Now, after settling their disputes and reaching a good place with her ex, she’s finally ready to reflect.

Thinking back to when the relationship first started out, “It was like, not only is this the person, but this is the time. It felt very spiritual for Darius and I,” she says. “We had separate lonelinesses, and we created a space for us to exist in that loneliness together. And then we wanted to have a son. Leo was very planned.”

The pair appeared every bit the happy couple throughout her pregnancy and just after Leo was born in February 2023. But behind the scenes, “There was a lot going on,” she says, even before Jackson took to social media with a gripe that July.

“It’s the outfit tho . . . you a mom,” he wrote in response to a video showing Palmer wearing a sheer dress as she danced with Usher at his concert. Fans immediately came to her defense online, but Palmer writes that the relationship had already grown “unhappy and unhealthy.”

It had also become violent. In her request for a temporary restraining order granted by a court that November, she detailed multiple allegations of domestic violence, including when she says Jackson broke into her home and attempted to strangle her, an incident caught on video. He responded in court with his own accusations and alleged evidence that she abused him as they clashed over custody of Leo.

“It got so out of control,” she says. “The only way I knew how to bring order was through the court.” As for what initially went wrong between them, “having a baby was a big stressor,” she says, as was fame: “Not just with my romantic relationships, but with family and friends, it’s always become a burden. Too many voices get in. It can make everybody else not trust you. It’s hard to explain.”

Six months later, after court-ordered mediation, Palmer and Jackson settled amicably on a joint custody agreement. Looking back on the relationship, she writes, “I wish I could say he was terrible the entire time or that I was … but it wasn’t that black-and-white and that was the problem.” She continues, “I didn’t want my son to think his father is a monster, because I don’t.”

Her advice to anyone dealing with a similar situation: “Walking away is the only way.”

These days she’s found forgiveness and peace.  In fact, “I’m so proud of him and happy for him,” she says of Jackson, who recently entered the military. “I feel very at ease now knowing things are under control.” 

For more on the highs and lows of Keke Palmer’s life in the spotlight, pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE, available Friday.

Master of Me: The Secret to Controlling Your Narrative by Keke Palmer comes out Nov. 19 and is available for preorder now, wherever books are sold.