Wedding Guest Invited to Ceremony and Reception — but Not the Dinner in Between: ‘I Didn’t Know What to Make of It’

A wedding guest is feeling slighted after being invited to the couple’s ceremony and reception — but not the dinner held in between the two events.

In a post on Reddit’s “Wedding Shaming” forum, the guest explained that they have been friends with both the bride and groom for “a long time” after meeting them during the first week of their freshman year in college. After dating for eight years, the couple got engaged and planned a wedding.

The OP (original poster) was invited to the church ceremony, which took place from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m., and also the reception, which kicked off at 9 p.m. “Most other guests were only invited to either one,” they noted, saying, “I didn’t really know what to make of it.”

The OP then learned that the newlyweds were hosting a dinner ahead of the reception. “I thought the dinner in between the two events was going to be just the bridal party, but it turned out to be like 40 people, including other people from our uni friend group,” they wrote.

With nearly five hours to kill — and needing to procure their own dinner — the OP “ended up wandering around in the city getting a sandwich and eating it in the freezing cold by myself before heading to the party.”

When the OP arrived at the reception later, they felt a bit uncomfortable. “Everyone was super warm and welcoming and seemed genuinely happy to have me there, but I had this nagging feeling that I should’ve taken some hint and just gone home after the ceremony,” they explained.

They added that the fact that they were left to grab a sandwich alone “while everyone else had dinner together” made them “feel weird” about the whole situation.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

In the comment section, many Redditors questioned the bride and groom’s wedding arrangements.

“There definitely does seem to be something weird going on there, in my opinion. Though, I guess it could be a normal wedding thing, too,” one person wrote. “Maybe they were just trying to cheap out on wedding costs. Like not wanting to buy dinner for all of their wedding guests, just some of them.”

Another commenter agreed, but put it more bluntly: “I think that’s a majorly a—— thing to do, especially for so long! The reception ends at 4, and they’re supposed to just d— around for 5 hours until 9PM with nothing to do? If it were me, I’d leave after the ceremony. I’m not sticking around for 5 hours with nothing to do, especially if I got left out of the dinner.”

Someone else assured the OP that the slight likely wasn’t personal. “I don’t think it was anything against YOU. They just had an odd wedding day and didn’t think about how it would look or what people were supposed to do,” they wrote.

Others noted that, no matter what the bride and groom’s reasons were for excluding some guests from the dinner, they should have been more considerate of the situation. “At minimum, the invitation should have spelled out exactly what was going to happen and provided suggestions for those who weren’t being fed,” one person commented.

A few Redditors also wondered where the OP attended the wedding, pointing out that “it’s quite normal” in some places — like the Netherlands and the U.K. — for newlyweds to have a small dinner with a close circle of guests in between their ceremony and reception.

Still, one commenter argued that “no matter how common it is, it is still tacky.”

“Have a private meal before or after the guest events when no one not invited knows or it’s clearly logistical. Not in between,” they said. “I was taught to never discuss an event in front of someone who wasn’t invited, and although the words aren’t spoken, it is virtually the same thing.”